just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
