I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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