Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
