There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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