There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
