So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
