summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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