I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
