Say something about gay babies.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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