Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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