My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
