at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think pants incapable of making pants work
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
