I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize