those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
