last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
