The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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