Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
