using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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