I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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