i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
it's like heaven, but drunker
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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