I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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