At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
