Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
