She's JV to your varsity
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
