i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
