Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
