Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
