so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
