upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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