she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
