I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
