hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
