I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
