Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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