thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
