i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
