you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
