Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
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Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
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The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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