I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
