I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
