I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
