Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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