I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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