I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
