Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
