What a fucking waste of an outfit
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
