don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
