Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
