literally had 100 drinks last night.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
