we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
