I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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