doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
