I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize