I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
