Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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