u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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