I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
