Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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