i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
did you just send me my own nude
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
