I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You need Xanax blowdarts
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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