that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I need to stop coming to work sober
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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