god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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