Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
