Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
A bitchslap is in order.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
