he wants to bone in the snuggie
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
