I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
