No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
