Bisexual people are plain selfish.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
