I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
