my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
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Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
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Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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