You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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