Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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